From:
Town_City: philippines
Email: jay_blue_ice@yahoo.com
Title: makulit
Remote Name: 210.16.20.130
Date: Friday, December 28, 2007
Joke:
bata: manong pabili po ng ubas
tindero: wala kaming ubas
kinabusan...
bata: manong meron po ba kayong ubas
tindero: sinabing wala kaming ubas
kinabusan...
bata: manong pabili po ng ubas
tindero: sinabing wala kaming tindang ubas pag ulitin mo
yon e-stapler ko yang bibig mo.
kinabusan na naman...
bata: manong meron meron kayong stapler?
tindero: wala!!!
bata: pabili po ng ubas
From: RIPE listener
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 76.215.156.153
Date: Saturday, December 22, 2007
Joke:
"http://www.youtube.com/v/zHdc135GBfg&rel=1"
Warning if you love jokes, this is a joke.
This is not dirty as it was meant to be. It was in fact
filtered by the Philippine board of censors.
If you love jokes, have clean ears. Click the link above.
It takes a single joke to be a good humorist. Have about being an audience?
From: Ross
Town_City: West Covina, CA
Email:
Title: "Dyok Taym!!!"
Remote Name: 161.149.63.100
Date: Friday, December 21, 2007
Joke:
1. Titser: Class, draw a fish!
Class: Yes, Ma'am!
Titser: Pedro, why is your drawing
so dirty?
Pedro: Eh, kasi po Ma'am, BAGOONG
IYONG DRAWING KO!
2. Pulis: (kay Kabise) Boss, abuloy
lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik: AKO, MALAKI MIGAY AMULOY.
MASTA ALAW-ALAW MELON
PULIS PAKTAY, OKE!
3. Mrs.: Maghiwalay na tayo!
Mr. : Sige! Akin ang bahay!
Mrs.: Akin ang farm!
Mr. : Akin ang kotse!
Mrs.: Akin ang driver!
Mr. : AH, IYAN ANG HINDI PUWEDE!
MAGKAKAMATAYAN TAYO DIYAN.
MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!
4. Mrs. : Hoy! Tama na yang beer mo!
Masyado kang magastos!
Mr. : Ikaw, tama na rin ang
make-up mo, masyado
kang magastos!
Mrs. : NAGPAPAGANDA LANG AKO
PARA SA IYO!
Mr. : AKO, UMIINOM NAMAN PARA
PAGTINGIN KO SA IYO,
MAGANDA KA!
"MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A PROSPEROUS NEW
TO YOU ALL, MGA KABALEYANS!!!"
From: JSL Friends
Town_City: USA
Email: *****
Title: "Catholic School Girls"
Remote Name: 198.89.160.22
Date: Thursday, December 20, 2007
Joke:
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school
girls and they all perish. They are all in
heaven trying to enter the pearly gates
past St. Peter.St. Peter asks the first
girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any
contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once
touched the head of one with the tip of my
finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your
finger in The Holy Water and pass through
the gate."St. Peter asks the next girl the
same question, "Jennifer have you ever had
any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but
replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked
one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in
The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion
in the line of girls, one girl is pushing
her way to the front of the line.When she
reaches the front of the line St. Peter
says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to
gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it
before Tiffany sticks her ass in it."
From: Ross
Town_City: West Covina, CA
Email:
Title: "My Dad at the Mall!!!"
Remote Name: 161.149.63.100
Date: Thursday, December 20, 2007
Joke:
Little Tony took his dad, Sebyo,
to the mall to buy some new shoes and
clothes. After shopping, they decided
to grab a bite at the food court. After
they ordered, Tony noticed his Dad
watching a teenager sitting next to
him. The teenager had SPIKED HAIR IN
DIFFERENT COLORS: GREEN, RED, ORANGE
AND BLUE. Tony noticed his Dad kept
staring at the teenager. The teenager
would look and find his Dad staring
at him every time.
When the teenager had enough, the
teenager SARCASTICALLY asked, "WHAT'S
THE MATTER OLD MAN, NEVER DONE
ANYTHING WEIRD IN YOUR LIFE?"
Knowing his Dad, Tony quickly
swallowed his food so that HE WOULD
NOT CHOKE ON HIS RESPONSE; KNOWING
HIS DAD WOULD HAVE A GOOD ONE.
And in CLASSIC STYLE, HIS DAD
DID NOT BAT EN EYE IN HIS RESPONSE.
"I GOT DRUNK ONCE AND HAD SEX WITH
A PEACOCK. I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU
WERE MY SON!!!"
From: Ross
Town_City: West Covina, CA
Email:
Title: "Shopping at Tiffany's!!!"
Remote Name: 161.149.63.106
Date: Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Joke:
GIGI walks into Tiffany's in
Beverly Hills, CA. She browses
around, spots a beautiful diamond
bracelet and walks over to inspect
it. As she bends over to look more
closely, she inadvertently FARTED!
Very embarrased, GIGI looks
around nervousely to see if anyone
has noticed her little "accident"
and prays that a sales person does
not pop up right now.
As she turns around, her WORST
NIGHTMARE materializes in the form
of a salesman standing RIGHT BEHIND
HER.
COOL AS A CUCUMBER and DISPLAYING
COMPLETE PROFESSIONALISM, the salesman
GREETS GIGI with, "GOOD DAY, MADAM!
HOW MAY I HELP YOU TODAY?"
Very uncomfotably, but hoping that
the salesman may just not have been
there at the time of her little
"accident", GIGI asks, "SIR, WHAT IS
THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET???"
The salesman answers, "MADAM, IF
YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT, YOU'RE
GOING TO SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE!"
From: Ross
Town_City: West Covina, CA
Email:
Title: "Working by Results!!!"
Remote Name: 161.149.63.106
Date: Monday, December 17, 2007
Joke:
A minister dies and is waiting in
line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him
is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses,
a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
St. Peter asked the guy, "WHO ARE
YOU, SO I MAY KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO
ADMIT YOU TO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN?"
The guy replied, "I'M JOE BROWN,
TAXI-DRIVER OF NEW YORK CITY."
St. Peter consults his list. He
smiles and says to the taxi-driver,
"TAKE THIS SILKEN ROBE AND GOLDEN
STAFF AND ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!"
JOE goes into Heaven. Now, it's the Minister's turn. He stands erect and
booms out, "I AM JOSEPH SNOW, PASTOR OF
ST. MARY'S FOR FORTY-THREE YEARS!"
St. Peter consults his list, then
he says to the minister, "TAKE THIS
COTTON ROBE AND WOODEN STAFF AND ENTER
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!"
"JUST A MINUTE," says the Minister.
"THAT MAN WAS A TAXI-DRIVER AND HE GETS
A SILKEN ROBE AND GOLDEN STAFF. HOW
CAN THIS BE?"
St. Peter smiled and said, "UP HERE,
WE WORK BY RESULTS. WHILE YOU PREACHED,
PEOPLE SLEPT; WHILE HE DROVE, PEOPLE
PRAYED!!!"
says
From: USA
Town_City: California - New York
Email:
Title: PULSE ASIA KUNO, Opsss...FALSE ASIA PALA
Remote Name: 76.195.160.186
Date: Sunday, December 16, 2007
Joke:
Media People: Ask Erap what he can say about
the results of the latest
survey of the MOST CORRUPT
PRESIDENT IN THE PHILIPPINES.
Erap: I am very, very mad and shame on that
survey results, He said.
Media People: Why sir? your number 3 in the
survey? THE MOST CORRUPT
PRESIDENT IN THE WHOLE WORLD?
Hindi pa kayo masaya sa
results?
Erap: Kaya nga ako galit na galit sa PULSE
ASIA SURVEY na yan eh. Kasi kitang -
kita na nga ang EBEDENSIA, NUMBER 3
pa rin ako sa survey. Si F. Marcos?
nakulong ba siya noon? Hindi di ba?
Si G. Aroyo na House Arrest ba siya?
Never di ba? Tapos, ako pa rin ang
pangatlo sa kanila? ANG FALSE ASIA
SURVEY TALAGA HINDI MAPAGKA-
KATIWALAAN BIAS SILA LAGI SA AKIN.
From: Leoncio "LONS" C. Concepcion Jr.
Town_City: Dammam
Email: Lconcepcion@albinali.com
Title: Sari-Saring JOKES
Remote Name: 87.101.244.9
Date: Sunday, December 16, 2007
Joke:
It's Joke time.. Tawa naman dyan..
Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!"
-------------
gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at
dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!
---------------
Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!
-------------------
Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable,
irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"
-------------------
Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.
-------------------
Josh: Kumusta ang test?
Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!
-------------------
Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!
-------------------
Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit.
Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang
sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit.
Naunang namatay si Dado. Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang kay Dado.
'Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?' usisa ni Rodel.
'Oo naman!' tugon ni Dado.
'Parang hindi totoo!' bulalas ni Rodel. 'O, ano, meron bang basketbol sa langit?'
Sagot ni Dado, 'May maganda at masama akong balita sa 'yo.
Ang maganda, may basketbol dito sa langit.
Ang masama... kasali ka sa first five ng makakalaban namin bukas!'
-------------------
Different prayers of single women...
At Age 15: Lord, give me SuperMAN.
At Age 18 : Lord, give me a cute MAN .
At Age 20: Lord, give me the best MAN .
At Age 30: Lord, give me a good MAN .
At Age 40: Lord, give me a MAN .
At Age 50 : Lord, give me sino MAN .
At Age 60: Lord, maawa ka naMAN.
At Age 70: Lord, kaya ko pa naMAN.
At Age 80: Lord, kahit hipo MAN lang.
-------------------
Misis: Hindi ko na kaya 'to! Araw-araw na lang tayong nag-aaway.
Mabuti pa,umalis na ako sa bahay na 'to!
Mister: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito, away roon!
Mabuti pa siguro , sumama na ako sa 'yo!
-------------------
Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan pa rin!
-------------------
What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife?
Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
-------------------
Sa isang classroom...
Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.
Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your report card.
-------------------
Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain.
Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!
-------------------
Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!
-------------------
Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya ang kanyang misis
na may katalik na lalaki sa kama .
Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
Mister: Sino 'yang katabi mo?
Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANG USAPAN!
-------------------
Subject: YOU HARDEN THERE!
There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo City .
She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay Naval Base.
Maria doesn't have an excellent command of the English language,
but she and John manage to communicate.
One day, Maria decided to cook a big dinner for John, so she
called John up at work and told him to come home straight from work.
John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to
finish up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago,
so they were excited to finally finish it. They decided
to go to the ship's chow hall to celebrate.
When John came home around midnight , he realized he forgot
about the dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came
out of the kitchen, John began to explain.
John: "Honey, I'm really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate
a little bit, so we ended up eating at the ship."
Maria: " Ah, like that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship! "
John: "Honey, I'm really sorry."
Maria: " Ahh! Don't sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do!
You harden there! "
[ Maria 's Tagalog translation] Ah, ganon ha?
Pinagluto kita dito sa bahay, kumain ka naman sa barko!
Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin, gagawin ko
ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!
This is Maria 's story. If you didn't find it as funny, oh well...
YOU HARDEN THERE!
-------------------
THIS ONE 'S BETTER!!!
The Battle of the Brainless is back!
Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!</ B>
Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa back?
Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P."
ang initials ng modern name nito ( Rizal Park ).
Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)
Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant: Beerhouse!
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan nito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation
device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Sunflower?
&n bsp;
Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa!
Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A",
at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant: Si... Sharon Cuneta!
Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant: Carole KING?
Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang ap elyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant: Jerry PONS?
Host: Oh, ay! an na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa
Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!
Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-pict ure sa 500
Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
One more, dagdag:
Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Kuto?
Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.
Contestant: Kutong Lupa!
(AY NAKU!! YOU HARDEN THERE!!)
From: Leoncio "LONS" C. Concepcion Jr.
Town_City: Dammam
Email: Lconcepcion@albinali.com
Title: Sari-Saring JOKES
Remote Name: 87.101.244.6
Date: Thursday, December 13, 2007
Joke:
It's Joke time.. Tawa naman dyan..
Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!"
-------------
gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at
dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!
---------------
Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!
-------------------
Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable,
cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"
-------------------
Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.
-------------------
Josh: Kumusta ang test?
Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!
-------------------
Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!
-------------------
Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit.
Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang
sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit.
Naunang namatay si Dado. Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si
Rodel na parang kay Dado.
'Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?' usisa ni Rodel.
'Oo naman!' tugon ni Dado.
'Parang hindi totoo!' bulalas ni Rodel. 'O, ano, meron bang basketbol sa langit?'
Sagot ni Dado, 'May maganda at masama akong balita sa 'yo.
Ang maganda, may basketbol dito sa langit.
Ang masama... kasali ka sa first five ng makakalaban namin bukas!'
-------------------
Different prayers of single women...
At Age 15: Lord, give me SuperMAN.
At Age 18 : Lord, give me a cute MAN .
At Age 20: Lord, give me the best MAN .
At Age 30: Lord, give me a good MAN .
At Age 40: Lord, give me a MAN .
At Age 50 : Lord, give me sino MAN .
At Age 60: Lord, maawa ka naMAN.
At Age 70: Lord, kaya ko pa naMAN.
At Age 80: Lord, kahit hipo MAN lang.
-------------------
Misis: Hindi ko na kaya 'to! Araw-araw na lang tayong nag-aaway.
Mabuti pa,umalis na ako sa bahay na 'to!
Mister: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito, away roon!
Mabuti pa siguro , sumama na ako sa 'yo!
-------------------
Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan pa rin!
-------------------
What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife?
Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
-------------------
Sa isang classroom...
Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.
Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your report card.
-------------------
Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain.
Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!
-------------------
Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!
-------------------
Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya ang kanyang misis na may
katalik na lalaki sa kama .
Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
Mister: Sino 'yang katabi mo?
Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANG USAPAN!
-------------------
Subject: YOU HARDEN THERE!
There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo City .
She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay Naval Base.
Maria doesn't have an excellent command of the English language,
but she and John manage to communicate.
One day, Maria decided to cook a big dinner for John, so she called
John up at work and told him to come home straight from work.
John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to
finish up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago,
so they were excited to finally finish it. They decided to
go to the ship's chow hall to celebrate.
When John came home around midnight , he realized he forgot about
the dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came out of the kitchen,
John began to explain.
John: "Honey, I'm really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate a little bit,
so we ended up eating at the ship."
Maria: " Ah, like that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship! "
John: "Honey, I'm really sorry."
Maria: " Ahh! Don't sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do! You harden there! "
[ Maria 's Tagalog translation] Ah, ganon ha? Pinagluto kita dito sa bahay,
kumain ka naman sa barko! Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin,
gagawin ko ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!
This is Maria 's story. If you didn't find it as funny, oh well...
YOU HARDEN THERE!
-------------------
THIS ONE 'S BETTER!!!
The Battle of the Brainless is back!
Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!</ B>
Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa back?
Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials
ng modern name nito ( Rizal Park ).
Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)
Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant: Beerhouse!
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan nito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation
device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Sunflower?
&n bsp;
Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa!
Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang
"A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant: Si... Sharon Cuneta!
Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant: Carole KING?
Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang ap elyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant: Jerry PONS?
Host: Oh, ay! an na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa
Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!
Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-pict ure sa 500
Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
One more, dagdag:
Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines ?
Contestant: Kuto?
Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.
Contestant: Kutong Lupa!
(AY NAKU!! YOU HARDEN THERE!!)
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